4 Things That Are a Poor Basis for a Friendship

4 Things That Are a Poor Basis for a FriendshipTo become friends, two people need to bond over something, for example, common interests, similar views, shared values, etc. However, if you bond over the wrong things, you may end up in a toxic friendship. Here are 4 things that are a poor basis for a friendship.

Things you hate. Everyone has their fair share of things they hate (or dislike, if you think that hate is too strong a word), and it is quite easy to bond over commiseration. However, if you begin your friendship encouraging each other's mutual dislike of other people or things, your relationship with a new friend will be based on negativity. And that's a toxic relationship. We aren't saying that you can't discuss things you dislike with your friends. But you shouldn't bond over them with a new potential friend. Build your relationship on something positive.

Mutual loneliness. Say, you've moved to a new city for a job. You don't know anyone here except your new colleagues, and they aren't exactly eager to become your BFFs (and you also think that professional relationships should remain professional). So it seems logical to find someone who is as lonely as you and become their friend. However, if you have nothing to bond over except your loneliness, it will be an unhealthy friendship. You will be clinging to each other, afraid of being alone, and this interdependence will prevent you from making more friends.

Mutual need for support. Let us make things clear: it is perfectly normal to want support from your friends. Friends are supposed to always be there for each other. However, if you bond with someone over your mutual need for support and nothing else, you will probably end up in an unhealthy friendship, just like in the case of mutual loneliness. Friendship is a two-way street. You need support, but are you ready to provide it in return? And even if you are, you and your friend might become too interdependent, and that's not okay.

Sexual/romantic attraction. Generally, you don't have to become friends with someone prior to dating them. If you like a person and the feeling is mutual, go out on a date. If they are the right person for you, your friendship will develop naturally along with romance. Getting stuck in the friend zone and unresolved sexual tension aren't a good basis for a healthy friendship. (However, being attracted to a demisexual person is an exception; they won't date you unless you develop a strong emotional connection.)



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