Human sexuality is very complex. First, there is the Kinsey scale for heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual orientation. Furthermore, there is the notion of gray-sexuality that describes the spectrum between asexuality and sexuality. Demisexuals are somewhere in the middle of this spectrum. Here are some tips for dating a demisexual person.
Gray asexual (gray-A, gray ace) is an umbrella term for people who experience sexual attraction only under specific circumstances. For example, demisexuals don't feel sexual attraction to someone unless they've first developed a strong emotional connection with them. To put it simply, they tend to be attracted to people they were friends with first (but this doesn't mean that demisexuals eventually become attracted to all their friends). The Latin prefix demi- means half, it denotes that demisexual orientation is halfway between sexual and asexual.
If you like a person who identifies as demisexual and want to date them, you might need some tips to make this easier for both of you. Here's what you need to remember about dating a demisexual person.
Become their friend. While it seems a no-brainer, we feel like we need to specify. If you want to date a demisexual, you need to become their friend first. And we mean really become their friend, not just pretend to be their friend to get into their pants. They won't date you if they don't trust you enough.
Be very clear about your intentions. When you're asking a demisexual person out, don't forget to mention that sex isn't a priority for you and that you're going to wait as long as it takes for them to make themselves comfortable with the idea of being intimate with you. It might help bring down any potential anxiousness on their side.
Take things slow. The best way to make sure that a demisexual feels comfortable around you is let them set the pace of your relationship. And we don't just mean sex. We mean all kinds of physical intimacy, from being inside each other's personal space to kissing. Basically, you should tell them that you like them and want to date them and then wait until they make the first move.
Be patient. Even if you are completely on board with taking things slow, you might sometimes get frustrated that things are moving so slowly. It happens. But if you really care about the person you're dating, you mustn't let this frustration show. An important part of any relationship, romantic or not, is respect. If you respect your partner, you will never pressure them into anything they are not comfortable with. Mind that being frustrated doesn't equal being disrespectful, but letting your frustration take over does.
Communicate. Open and honest communication is important in any healthy relationship, but it is especially important when you're dating a demisexual person and you're not demisexual yourself. It can be hard to fully understand demisexuality if you yourself are not anywhere on the gray-A spectrum. So don't be afraid to talk to the person you're dating and ask questions if you don't understand something. It will help prevent potential screw-ups.
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