A divorce hurts even if you and your spouse part on good terms, hold no grudges and don’t have any property, financial or any other kind of claims. And a messy divorce hurts even more because you have to fight with the person you once loved over things such as money or custody. How to get through a messy divorce without losing your sanity?
Avoid negativity. Many people are brought up to believe that divorce is bad and that those who failed to save their marriage are losers. However, in some situations divorce is the best possible outcome for everyone involved. Instead of focusing on negativity, think about all the good things that your divorce is going to bring. For example, you will get out of a loveless/abusive relationship. Or your children won’t have to watch their parents fight anymore. You’re getting a divorce for a reason, don’t forget it.
Find a good attorney. If you have a messy divorce on your hands, you absolutely need a good attorney who will help you understand each step of the divorce. However, you shouldn’t lean on your attorney too much. It is important that you do research about divorce law to have a better understanding of what’s going on.
Keep calm. A messy divorce becomes even messier when there are emotions involved. The divorce proceedings can become very frustrating, especially when your ex is deliberately trying to piss your off or when their family (or even part of yours) turns against you. You need to disconnect yourself from the situation as much as possible. Don’t put all the blame on yourself – it takes two to mess up a marriage. Don’t get angry – if your anger makes you do something stupid, you may lose everything.
Take charge of your own behavior. You can’t be responsible for the behavior of other people such as your ex, relatives, your own or your ex’s attorney, but you are responsible for your own words and deeds. So be a better person and try not to fight dirty. Don’t take out your frustrations on your kids and don’t incite them against the other parent. Keep your communications measured, don’t criticize your ex or their lawyer in front of the judge. An aura of dignity will help you get through this.
Live your life. Don’t let the divorce define your entire life. Of course, the divorce proceedings will take up a lot of your time, but this doesn’t mean that you have to put your life on hold. Divorce is stressful, so you need to take care of yourself and remember that you deserve nice things. Get enough sleep, eat well, hang out with your friends. However, you should probably refrain from dating for a while. Flirting is okay, but you shouldn’t jump into a relationship until you have everything sorted out with your ex-spouse.
- How to Cope With Emotions After Divorce, The Most Common Reasons for Divorce, 5 Ways to Measure Your Divorce Risk, 8 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage