When you get married, you marry into an entire family and your spouse’s relatives become your relatives, too. But what happens when you get divorced? Do your divorce your spouse family’s as well or do you maintain a relationship with them? How to manage a relationship with your in-laws after divorce?
Naturally, much depends on the relationship you’ve had with the in-laws during your marriage. If you never particularly liked each other and only tolerated each other’s presence during family gatherings, cutting all ties with your in-laws seems like a logical consequence of divorce. But what if the relationship was a good one and you want to maintain it once you’ve separated from your spouse? Is it possible to prevent resentment and stay in touch with your in-laws?
The thing is, you probably won’t be your in-laws favorite person right after your divorce. Even if it was your spouse who wanted the separation, the in-laws are most likely to side with him or her because. Even if you used to be on good terms, they might shut you out without even hearing your side of the story. It’s sad but it’s life.
However, things might change as time passes by and feelings of resentment fade away. If maintaining a relationship with your in-laws is really important to you, you should be the one to make the first step and let them know that you still consider them family and would like to keep them a part of your life. It might take much time and effort to get used to the new dynamics, but if you really want this to work, you’ll succeed.
If you remained friends (or at least on friendly terms) with your in-laws, there are several things you should keep in mind to maintain a good relationship with them. First, never ever badmouth your ex in front of them. In fact, don’t even talk about your ex with them if you’re not sure you have anything good to say about them. Second, try to meet on the neutral territory, at least in the beginning of your “revamped” relationship.
Of course, things are different when children are involved. Even if you don’t want to have anything in common with your former in-laws and the feeling is mutual, you must not prevent them from seeing their grandchildren. We understand that you may be angry with your ex’s family at the moment, but you don’t have the right to deprive your kids of their grandparents’ love and support.
Talk to your in-laws and make it clear that you will maintain a relationship with them for your children’s sake. Then it’s their choice. If they want to be involved in their grandchildren’s lives, they have the right to. But if they don’t want to, you shouldn’t make them. Of course, it is important to work out some ground rules. For example, you need to keep communication open and agree to not say negative things about each other in the kids’ presence.
- What to Do If Your Mother-in-Law Hates You, 6 Things You Should Never Say to Your Mother-in-Law, 5 Ways to Improve You Relationship With Your In-Laws, How to Go Through a Messy Divorce