If you're a perfectionist, then you're aware of high standards that you put on both you and your spouse. And while you think that every trifle and shortcoming is very important, your spouse has got totally different opinion. It's time for you to find out, how perfectionism kills your marriage.
People, who are perfectionists, have many problems in their relationship. It may start from the little things that annoy perfectionists, like putting toothbrush on a sink instead of rinsing it thoroughly and then putting it in the glass, where it should be. Perfectionists think, when their spouses refuse change themselves in order to become a “perfect” person, they are in passive-agressive relations.
The other problem with perfectionists, is that they never focus on things that their spouses do right. Instead of that they wait till something goes wrong again. And if it happens successfully, they don't feel any happiness, just the sense of relief: thanks God, not this time!
Perfectionists never understand their spouses, and it leads to more fights. For instance, they can't relax and watch movie, if something in their house is undone, like the bathtub isn't cleaned. Asking spouse to do that is likely to lead to the next fight, because they won't clean the bathtub the way a perfectionist would. Their standards are totally different, so the bathtub will never be clean enough.
However, perfectionists can have successful marriage, only if they understand their problem and follow our suggestions. They will help avoid constant fights.
#1 Never wait that your spouse will be perfect. Waiting for that is like waiting for a train that will never arrive. Your spouse won't be perfect, by the way, when you said “I do” you agreed to be with them despite their weakness.
#2 Your spouse is unique. Your spouse is not like you, and all their shortcomings make them unique. So step back whenever you see anything that bothers you. By the way, you also have some shortcomings, but you never notice them, because you're concentrated on your spouse only.
#3 Bring to attention only important stuff. Battles are inevitable in any relations, but you could avoid many of them by bringing to light only the most important issues, and never fighting about dirty dishes, that your spouse supposed to wash up, etc.
#4 Your spouse isn't trying to irritate you. Whenever your spouse does something, that irritates you, it doesn't mean, that they do that on purpose. Your spouse's patterns of behavior and habits had been here before they met you.
Try these suggestions in order to avoid different fights in your marriage. Have more fun and don't put such high standards on your spouse.
- 7 Cute and Little Everyday Surprises for Your Husband, 5 Ways to Measure Your Divorce Risk, 6 Reasons Why Your Spouse Should Be Your Top Priority, 8 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage