What to Do When You've Fallen out of Love With Your Husband

One day you wake up, look at your husband and realize that you don't feel the same way about him. You still care about him, he still is your friend, but you don't love him anymore – or so you think. The realization is scary. You used to think that you will be together forever (or at least for a very long time), but now you can see your marriage is coming to an end. What should you do?

First and foremost, you need to sort your feelings out in order to understand whether love is really gone or not. The thing is love changes over time. It starts with infatuation and gradually evolves into calmer attachment. The shift from infatuation to attachment doesn't mean that you love each other less now. Your love is a bit different, but it's love. So maybe you still have feelings for your husband, you just need to get accustomed to the shift.

But how to figure out if the feelings are still there? One of the easiest ways is to imagine your life without your husband. If you can do it with ease and the thought of moving on and starting a new life doesn't freak you out much, maybe you do need to move on. If you can't imagine your life without your spouse by your side, you definitely shouldn't give up on your marriage.

So, you've realized that you still have feelings for your husband, but your marriage is making you unhappy for some reason. Talk to your spouse! Marriage is a two-way street, so if there is a problem, you should solve it together. Maybe a long and sincere heart-to-heart will be enough, maybe you'll need to go to counseling or take a relationship break. Whatever you need to make your marriage work.

If you are sure you don't love your husband anymore, you still need to talk to him. Putting the talk off will make both of you miserable. Be honest, but gentle. Tell him that he used to make you very happy, but something has changed and you think you'd be better off without each other. Don't blame him or yourself for anything, it's just how things are.

What you definitely shouldn’t do in such a situation is cheat on your husband. Even if you're already attracted to someone else, wait until you talk to your husband and break up with him properly. You will hurt him enough just by saying you don't love him, there's no need to add betrayal to the mix.

If you've fallen out of love with your husband but don't want to get a divorce (because of children or for some other reason), you can try an open marriage in which both of you will be allowed to have sex with other people. However, an open marriage only works when both spouses are on the same page. If your husband still loves you and agrees to an open marriage just to keep you, this won't end well.