Becoming friends often happens naturally, but many people speed up the process by bonding over a shared activity or interest. Although some think that bonding over gossip is a great way to grow closer together, in reality gossiping is a poor basis for a friendship. Here are 5 ways gossip hurts your relationship with your friends.
It makes you look bad. If you’re the one initiating gossip, it doesn’t make you likeable. People who already are your friends may tolerate or even support such behavior, but people who don’t know you well will most likely shy away from bonding with you.
It destroys trust. When your friend likes to gossip, you can never be sure that you’re the only person they gossip with. What if they talk about you behind your back? Gossiping might seem fun when you’re the one who does it, but no one likes being the object of gossip. If you’re friends with a gossiper, you can’t trust them, and when there is no trust in a friendship, this friendship won’t last.
It clouds your judgment. Believing rumors about people prevents you from expanding your circle of friends. If your friends talk trash about someone, you’ll probably try to avoid this person. But what if your so-called friends are wrong? You’ll never know because you blindly believe them. Maybe you’ve missed your chance for a great friendship because you chose to believe in rumors rather than form your own opinion.
It’s an unhealthy way of connecting with others. Gossip is about negativity even when it seems harmless (speaking positively about a person who is not present almost never leads to gossip). And relationships built on negativity aren’t healthy. That is why gossip is one of the things you shouldn’t bond over, along with the things you hate or mutual loneliness. Besides, bonding through gossip is temporary, it doesn’t last long.
It can be used against you. If you have a fight with a friend you gossiped with, they may use it against you, and then you’re screwed. “How can a friend do such a horrible thing,” you may ask. Well, a good friend can’t, but a gossiper can and probably will.
All people have a natural tendency to gossip because it’s fun to talk about other people. But just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should do it. Discussing other people is okay as long as you say positive things that are true and not private. But you shouldn’t spread negativity, rumors or secrets you’re supposed to keep. Unhealthy obsession with gossip makes you a bad friends and a bad person.
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