Unless you’re still in high school, you new girlfriend probably has an ex that may or may nor still be into her. And even if you try to persuade yourself that you don’t care, you most likely do. Jealousy can easily ruin your relationship, so you need to know how to tame it and how to deal with your girlfriend’s ex if he shows up.
Talk to your girlfriend. First and foremost, talk you your girlfriend about her ex situation. Try not to sound jealous or accusative, just ask calmly if her ex is still in the picture. If she doesn’t want to have anything to do with him, there is no reason to be nervous (unless her ex is still hung up on her and acts like a creepy stalker). But if they are on friendly terms and hang out sometimes, let her know how you feel about it. Remember that you have no right to forbid her from hanging out with her friends, but you have the right to tell her about the things that make you uncomfortable.
Set some boundaries. Once again, you don’t have the right to tell your girlfriend who she can and can’t hang out with. But you can ask her to stop talking about her ex because that’s not okay with you. Tell her that you don’t like to listen to her reminiscing about her previous relationship and don’t tolerate being compared with her ex.
Don’t provoke him. Even if your girlfriend’s ex is a raging d-bag and you want to punch him in the face, keep your cool and don’t be aggressive. By provoking him you give him an excuse to throw the first punch. Try to be as cordial and nice to him as you can. It shows your girlfriend that you are mature and harbor neither animosity nor jealousy towards her ex. Be the nice guy in this equation and show your girlfriend that you are better than her ex.
Don’t walk away if you run into him. In case the ex approaches your girlfriend while you are together, never walk away. Leaving her alone with her ex makes you look like a coward. Stay by her side while they are talking, but stay out of the conversation unless your girlfriend asks him to go away. If he’s making her uncomfortable, you have every right to step in between them.
Stay confident. Whenever you feel a pang of jealousy, remind yourself that he is her ex-boyfriend for a reason. She’s with you now. She chose you because you’re kind/funny/handsome, because you’re nice to her and treat her right. Don’t let your self-esteem issues stand between you and your happiness.
If she isn’t over her ex, rethink your relationship. The advice above is based on an assumption that your girlfriend is completely over her ex. But what if she isn’t? She might be using you as a rebound or trying to make her ex jealous. If this is true, you’d better end this relationship before you get your heart broken.
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