Fights are common for everyone. We fight with our friends, colleagues, neighbors and people in the line. We also fight with our spouses, and it hurts our relationship so much. Fights are really inevitable, but there's always a way to keep peace in your marriage.
Choose your battles. Emotions are really hard to manage, and when you feel furious, you want to do something with it. But it's wrong, because right now your emotions are your worst enemy. Stop and calm down, breathe deeply and count till ten, and in the meantime ask yourself, what is the real problem here? Is it really worth arguing? What will happen, if I let it down? Is there a practical solution to this problem? Is this a long-lasting problem?
Do not over/underreact. Your reaction to the problems determines the way, how you will find the solution. Overreaction as well as underreaction are not your best friends, that's why evaluate the conflicts the right way. Put as much effort as the conflict requires, and if you tend to overreact to insignificant things, you need to work to get better.
Don't drag in irrelevant issues. It's so tempting to remind your spouse about their own flaws that make you crazy, rather then discussing why your spouse is unhappy with you. It's not the way to resolve the conflict, because you involve things that have nothing to do with it. They pile and you lose the real problem and have no chance to face it. Instead of that deal with things that need to be dealt with, nothing more. And your spouse's flaws leave for another time.
Don't stop loving your spouse. Disagreements over certain topics hurt your relationship with your spouse, but it doesn't mean that you have to stop loving them. Conflicts can be solved, but during this time don't forget that your mutual love is much stronger than anything else.
Look at yourself. Personal unhappiness with yourself can hurt your relationship, because you start blaming your spouse for the way you feel. They didn't do anything to make you feel better. Blaming others in your own problems won't help you maintain good relationship. So, next time when you want to blame your spouse for your feelings, look deeper and ask yourself, if there's something else going on.
Interrupt the patterns. Every conflict has its pattern. You or your spouse start with a small thing, and then it escalates. We're all programmed to respond the same way to the problems, and that triggers another response that finally leads us to the point of conflict. Breaking this pattern will help you avoid the conflict. Next time, when you see that you go down the programmed way, do something totally unexpected, like starting a happy dance around the room. Your and your spouse's energy will be shifted in a new direction, and you will avoid the conflict.
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