The memories of your past and expectations of your future keep your marriage going. But at some point your marriage turns out to be in danger, because everything you experienced with your husband seem to be nonexistent, and the person you knew for ages is a stranger. It's not your fault, if your spouse has a midlife crisis. Now your task is to find out, how to handle your husband's midlife crisis.
Generally it's believed, that midlife crisis strikes only men. However, women also have it, but their ways to cope with the crisis aren't so destructive for the family. Women are not likely to abandon their families for a new cutie, find a lover or make thoughtless and very expensive purchases, like a new hot rod. Midlife crisis that men experience can totally change them and their behavior. These are several signs, that your husband has got midlife crisis:
- He's constantly unsatisfied with the house, his job and even you.
- Your life seems to be a constant fight.
- He makes financially rash decisions.
- He wants to quit his job, because it doesn't satisfy him any more.
- He's developed bad habits, like alcohol or drugs abuse, gambling etc.
- He's cheating on you.
Women predictably respond to husbands' midlife crisis. They think, that it's all their fault and try to do their best to change the situation. However, all their attempts make things even worse. You sincerely try to help and talk it over, but your husband rejects your help and never faces the truth, that he's got mental problems. You can't keep your family, unless you don't change your own respond to your husband's crisis.
Don't blame yourself. It's so easy to blame others for the problems in your family, and your husband may start blaming you. Your task is to avoid blaming yourself, because it's not your fault, that your spouse has midlife crisis. Try to keep your mind safe, while your husband expels his own demons.
Give him space. It may sound hard, but your husband needs some private space. You can't help “fix” your husband's crisis, only he can do it, and while he's busy, don't contribute to your relationship problems.
Do something for yourself. Don't forget about your own life. Midlife crisis affects your family life and you need some place and time to unwind. Go out with your friends, spend time alone or go counseling, even without your husband. Also try to protect yourself financially, too, especially if you have joint account. Make sure, that you have equal access to the account.
Don't focus on the symptoms of the crisis. Focusing yourself on the symptoms of the problem may contribute to the tensity your relations have. Your husband may feel, like you constantly nag him and see only things that he does wrong. Yes, you want to help him, but your focusing on negative sides will only make things even worse.
Make comments on his harmful changes. You can help your husband survive the crisis by shifting his attention to more positive things, that he experienced in the past, and commenting his harmful changes. Remember to do it correctly, for instance “I see you don't enjoy playing gold any more”.
Find out the core of the problem. Midlife crisis my be caused by different problems, like your husband wasn't given promotion last year, or he's dissatisfied with how your married life turned out, or he doesn't enjoy being a father. Your understanding of the problem can help your husband solve it.
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