It's always hard to find out that your spouse has had an affair. It's emotionally devastating and now you have to deal with it somehow. Your first desire is to divorce your unfaithful spouse, but wait a second. Your family can be saved, and we're going to tell you how to mend your marriage after infidelity.
The initial discovery of infidelity is always hard and it triggers powerful emotions, that control you and your life. However, stop and don't make rash decisions, especially, if they concern divorce or physical revenge. You will only hurt yourself and your spouse, nothing more, and your marriage won't be saved. Just take your time and let emotions go away. Only then you are able to think and make some actions.
Remember, that it's impossible to save every marriage after an affair, and many of them don't have to be. Long-lasting internal problems pushed your spouse to a slippery path and now you've got to face the adultery. However, your spouse's affair may contribute to your marriage and make it even better then it was, but you will have to go through many obstacles and learn forgiveness.
Talk to each other. It's the first thing that you have to do. Make deal with your partner, that you may ask any questions you want to and your spouse answers them. In the beginning, you might want to know everything about the affair, but gradually your focus will change and you will start thinking more about the reason or feelings behind it, rather then infidelity itself.
You both have to cooperate, if you want to mend your marriage. The spouse, who had an affair, has to stop seeing the lover immediately. If it happened with a colleague, then all relations have to be minimized to business only. The lover also has to know what's going on.
It's very hard to go through these hard times, that's why your family might need some help coming from the outer world. Consult a marriage therapist, who's especially trained to deal with marriage affairs. The therapies will help you identify the issues that led to the affair and teach you how to strengthen your relationship and avoid divorce.
The hardest thing about mending your marriage after an affair is restoring trust in your spouse. Yes, you already understand why your spouse did so to you, but now you have to go further and restore trust. It takes a lot of time to move forward, and your spouse has to be aware about your own timetable.
Spend more time together with your partner and don't talk about infidelity. Just leave it behind and you will be able to enjoy the happiness of you marriage again. Do all romantic things that you've always enjoyed!
Forgiveness is the last step. The cheater shouldn’t expect a quick forgiveness, and you don't have to forgive until you're not ready. Yes, you will always remember about the fact of infidelity, but the pain will fade with time. Take this step only when you're ready to let the negative emotions and feelings go, and when you see, that your partner has been completely honest with you and has taken steps to rebuild your trust.
- Why Keeping Secrets From Your Spouse Destroys Your Marriage, 11 Signs Your Husband is Cheating, Why Spouses Cheat in Marriage, 5 Reasons to Forgive a Cheating Husband