How to Bring Together a Blended Family

Don't force things too fast. Forcing different things to happen as fast as they could can unsettle children. Psychologists are saying, that children will feel comfortable, if a divorce and the second marriage don't pile onto each other. So wait for at least two years, before you take the next step.

Embrace the needs of all children. Your children and your stepchildren have their needs, which are mostly the same. The very first need is feeling, that they are loved. Trying to spend more time with your stepchildren to show them your affection, may make your children feel neglected. But you can balance by letting your children to stay up late or taking them with you somewhere.

Have a solid marriage. With no marriage, there's no family. If you don't love your stepchildren, your new family won't last long. At the same time don't expect that you will fall in love with your stepchildren as well as they do with you overnight. It takes a lot of time, but your marriage should be solid. Another thing, that now you and your spouse don't have as much time as a couple, as the first-married have, so you need to grow and mature while parenting all children.

Plan activities for the whole family. The best way to bring together all family members, is planning some activity for all of you. If you still feel some tension between children or you and stepchildren, then plan something, that won't require too much interaction, like cooking together or playing board games. Plan a visit to an amusement park or go for a picnic. You're all together, but at the same time everyone can have their own space and enjoy things that they like the most.

Create new traditions. When you feel, that your relations in the family are getting better each day, start creating new traditions. You could do that even earlier, but any conflicts will spark up every time, when you have a Saturday brunch together.

Hold regular family meetings. Your family meetings could be the very first tradition that your blended family has. Everyone in your family needs to be heard, and one way to give them this chance, is to hold a meeting. Take time to listen to each child individually and talk over anything, that bothers them.

Remember about the fights. Children are children, and they will always fight. Keep that in perspective and pick fights carefully. Your children may fight with your adopted children or even kids from school and down the street. Fighting is a part of childhood, and it's inevitable.