They say that communication is critical to successful relationships. However, this doesn't mean that you can say whatever comes to your mind and expect your partner to be okay with it. Words can hurt, and you should be sensitive to your spouse's feelings. Here are ten things you should never say to your partner.
“You always...” First of all, generalized accusations sound judgmental, and no one likes to be judged. Secondly, generalizations like this are almost always inaccurate. They will make your partner react in a defensive fashion and urge them to contradict you. However, you can use the word “always” when you say positive things, such as “You always know how to make me feel better.”
“You never...” See “you always...”
“Whatever.” It's a dismissive remark that shows you don't care about your partner's thoughts and opinions. It can make your spouse feel disrespected. Saying “Whatever” won't help you diffuse an argument, it's just a way to brush problems under the carpet.
“It's stupid.” Everyone has their interests, their likes and dislikes. You don't have to share all of your spouses' interests, but you need to respect them. If you say that their favorite TV show or their hobby is stupid, this is you showing your contempt for things they care about.
“I will never forgive you.” Even if you love each other to bits, you will probably hurt one another every once in a while. Being able to forgive each other's mistakes and move on is a key element in healthy marriages. Of course, things like abuse and adultery are hard to forgive. But do your really want to stay married to a cheater or abuser?
“You're just like your mother/father.” Comparing your spouse to their parent is a low blow. Firstly, this statement implies that your partner has inherited the worst traits of his or her family. Secondly, by saying this you're not only insulting you spouse, but also your mother/father-in-law.
“You should.” Telling people what they should do is not the best way to give advice, it makes you sound controlling. Formulate your pieces of advice more like suggestions and less like commands. Remember that you are not in charge of your partner.
“You can't.” See “you should.”
“I'm leaving.” Don't threaten to leave your partner unless you really mean it. It will make your spouse feel insecure in your relationship. Successful marriages are built on trust, and your spouse will never be able to trust you if you threaten to leave them every time you have a fight.
“Calm down.” When your spouse is upset about something, phrases like “relax” or “chill out” won't make them feel better. On the contrary, they might get even more irritated.
- How to Fight Fair With Your Spouse, Why Keeping Secrets From Your Spouse Destroys Your Marriage, How to Apologize to Your Spouse, How to Compromise in Marriage