Your marriage seems to be happy sometimes, but mostly it's a mess. And your spouse blames only you in it, while they don't admit their own mistakes. Your spouse's opinion always comes first, while yours isn't counted. You live with a narcissistic spouse and you have to deal with it. But how can you do it?
Today the term “narcissist” is applied to any person who really shows the signs of this personality disorder and to people whose personal wishes are different from yours. The meaning behind this term became diluted and it's generally used to describe someone who hurts their spouse's feelings, disappoints them or causes outrages.
At first, on the dawn of your relations, everything was great. You were impressed by your partner and loved the way you make them look better, feel better, or make those wonderful things happen to him just because you are with them. But gradually, when you've got married or had children, everything changed. You became their property and now whenever you express your own will, you end with an argument. And what's the worst, it's always you who is wrong, not your spouse. Their needs and desires are higher then yours.
Living with a narcissist is very hard, and you might think about divorce. Keeping away from a narcissist is really one of the best ways to protect yourself from such kind of relations, especially if they became abusive. If anything or anyone threatens your health or life, and health and life of your children, then divorce is the right choice.
However, many people live with narcissists for decades and happy, well, almost happy. They are aware about the personal disorder of their spouses and have made their choice. They know how to deal with narcissists.
Understand, that you can't change your spouse. In fact, nothing will change them, unless they don't want it. By the way, the more your spouse rejects that they have problem, the less chances that they want to change anything. It's only you who can change, and first you have to concentrate on your self.
Being selfish and thinking about yourself is what you need. You need friends and close people who will allow you to express and share your personal thoughts and feelings. You will never be able to do it with your spouse. Find, how you can enjoy your own life and only then embrace the world of your spouse for your own reasons. It's the way how you can create shared experience and memories.
Narcissists are concerned about their own appearance and you can use it to make things go your way. Use flattery if you want to ask or suggest something. Your spouse is likely to be generous, if their ego is full.
Whenever you're getting angry with your spouse for their behavior, remember that they act this way only because they feel emptiness inside. They can't fill it and they are always frighted with being nothing. Do you really think that it's easy to feel it all the time?
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