Dating your friend's ex is a major breach of the BFF etiquette. Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants. If you want to be with your friend's ex without losing your friend, you need to follow some crucial rules.
Sort out your feelings. Are you really falling in love with your friend's ex or is it just a crush? If the latter, we strongly advise against acting on your feelings. Your crush will go away eventually, but a broken friendship is hard to mend.
Evaluate your friendship. Even if you remain friends, your relationship might change. Are your ready for this? Are you willing to risk your friendship for the sake of a potential boyfriend? Think this through and answer these questions honestly.
Analyze their relationship. Was it just a fling or was it a long-term committed relationship? Your friend might be okay with you dating a guy she dated for a couple of months, but if they were really serious, she will probably be very uncomfortable. Besides, you need to think about why they broke up. If there was no chemistry or they just fell out of love, the relationship is worth giving a try. But what if he was a cheater or abuser? Do you still want to date him?
Talk to them (separately). Before going on a date with the guy, make sure he understands the delicacy of the situation and won't deliberately hurt your friend's feelings. Then open up to your friend, because she has the right to know. You don't have to explain anything or receive her blessing, but you shouldn't sneak around and lie to her. She will find out eventually anyway.
Don't brag or gossip. When you're in love, you want the whole world to know how happy you are. However, your friend will hardly be comfortable with you gushing over her ex-boyfriend. We are sure you have other friends who will gladly listen. Gossip is also a no-no. Your friend doesn't need to know about your relationship with her ex, and your boyfriend doesn't need to know the details of your friend's personal life.
Don't compare. It may be tempting to ask her advice about your new relationship, but you shouldn't do it. Each experience is unique, and your relationship with the guy will be different from hers. Her advice will hardly help, but you asking for it will make her uncomfortable. You also shouldn't ask your boyfriend if you are better than her. It will just make things weird. Besides, comparing yourself to anyone is not a healthy thing to do.
Respect their boundaries. If they don't want to attend the same events, don't pressure them into it. But don't just assume they don't want to see each other. The best solution is to allow them to decide whether they want to contact or not. If they are okay with hanging out together, it's great. Just don't get jealous or paranoid over it. If they are not okay, don't push it.
- 5 Perks of Being Friends With Your Ex, 4 Reasons Why Dating Your TA Is a Bad Idea, So You Hate Your Friend's Boyfriend, How to Help a Friend Go Through a Breakup