These simple words “I'm sorry” seem to have a magic effect on everyone who says them. We think, that saying them automatically resolves all problems and the conflict is avoided. But the person, who was offended and feels bad, doesn't think this way. “I'm sorry” is really not enough, because these words don't heal wounds. And since these words never work, it's time to learn how to apologize properly.
The way how people apologize to each other depends on many things, including family upbringing traditions and their own feelings. Some people sincerely believe, that saying “I'm sorry” will do the trick (when we were children, that really worked, but broken crayons aren't the same as broken hearts). But there are always family traditions, that have to be considered. Some people try to do something nice in gesture of apology, while others don't understand it, because they are used to a detailed apology.
Body language and voice intonations are also important for apology. We rely not only on the words we hear, but on other information that we receive as well, so it's really simple to say, if the apology is fake. And by the way, there's better no apology, than a fake one.
Apologizing may be really hard for many people, because it takes courage to admit, that you were wrong. It's also about humiliation and strength to accept it. Many of us never want to apologize (although it was our fault) just not to put ourselves in a helpless position and let all the blame fall over us. And if you're one of these people, then our next tips on proper apologizing will help you find the right words.
#1 Start with words “I'm sorry for”, “I feel really bad about” or “I apologize for”. Being specific in your apology is very important, otherwise the person you've hurt won't believe you, because you even don't know what you're sorry for.
#2 Address the consequences that resulted, including the emotions of other person you've offended. The more specific you will be, the better. Showing that you appreciate the unhappy emotions you've caused may be the most meaningful than anything else you can say.
#3 Promise that you will never do that again in future. There's no point in apologizing, if next time you're going to do the same.
#4 Finish you apology with words “Will you forgive me?”. These words work the best, and they are very simple. They also show emotions, that are nothing more than mere expectation.
These four simple steps work the best for everyone. Of course, if you're great at apologizing, then you won't need them at all. But in case you're the one who can't find the correct words, keep these tips in mind. Saying “I'm sorry for” will help you start and lead to the point. And remember that no matter what you say, never use the word “but”, because it just nullifies your apology. Don't seek for an attempt to excuse yourself for a bad behavior based on someone's bad behavior. It just doesn't work.
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