How to Set Boundaries With Grandparents
You're totally excited about the arrival of your first baby, but you completely forget about the other challenges that exist around you. And one of the biggest challenges is your parents or in-laws, who have just become grandparents. They so much want to spend lots of time with their grandchild, that their constant visits can drive you crazy. Learn to set boundaries with grandparents, otherwise you won't be able enjoy the motherhood.Start setting boundaries with grandparents even before the baby is born. Most people tend not to face the minor problems till they are piled and the best thing to do is to stay away from the person, who makes you hyperventilate. However, you could avoid it by setting boundaries with your parents and in-laws over every little thing concerning being parent and grandparent.
Discuss the expectations. This one should be done even before your baby is born. Your parents and in-laws have their own vision on how much time they will spend with the baby. Maybe, they want to come to you every day, or visit only once a month and never be asked to babysit without one-month-ahead agreements. And what do you expect from the grandparents? You have to discuss it before the baby is born, because later you won't be able to say “No” and never hurt your parents to in-laws.
Discuss the visits. Unexpected and frequent visits of your parents and in-laws can be your major problem. During the first weeks after the birth you need to understand your own new role, and you can't entertain the house full of people. So your parents shouldn't come too often and without your agreement. Make a schedule or learn your mom use Skype. It's free and easy, and your mother can babble everything she wants to and see the precious face of her grandchild.
Discuss the gifts. Don't blame your parents and in-laws for their desire to give as many gifts as they can to your child. But sometimes generosity can cross the line. For instance, if the grandparents are real spenders, then let them know, that they don't have to buy something anytime they come to visit. Also this money can be spent to something, that your child will benefit from, like music or dance classes or college fund.
Be flexible. You set your own rules concerning bringing up your baby, and you think, that grandparents should follow them too. However, be ready to find out, that grandparents tend to break the rules and spoil your child. Yes, it happens, and you shouldn't freak out, if your mom occasionally gives your child a cookie, when you follow a no-sugar diet. Try to find a compromise, where your grandparents can break the rules and you feel OK with that. For instance, strawberries dipped in sugar are good substitution to cookies, and they are also healthy for your child.