Dealing with in-laws can be hard, no matter how old you are and now much life experience you have. Even if you like your son's wife, it might take you a while to connect with her. Here are some tips for getting along with your daughter-in-law.
Respect your son's choice. Your son married her because he thinks she's the right one for him. He is an adult capable of making his own decisions, and you need to respect his decisions even if you disagree with them. No matter what you feel towards your daughter-in-law, your son's feelings will always be more important.
Treat her as you want her to treat you. Despite all your differences, you're probably feeling the same things right now. She's just as nervous about getting along with you. So be nice and welcoming, and she will behave the same way. Remember that you don't have to love each other, but you should respect each other.
Don't insist that she does things your way. Your daughter-in-law is a married woman who has the right to decide how to run the household, manage the family budget and bring up your grandchildren. Your son has his own family now, and you're not in charge anymore. Offering your help around the house is not a wise thing to do either: even if you mean well, your daughter-in-law might see it as criticism. Remember that road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Don't give unsolicited advice. Most people hate being given advice they don't need and/or want. Your son and his wife can deal with their problems themselves. If they can't, they will ask for your help. You should never assume your daughter-in-law wants your advice. If she does ask you, don't make your advice sound like an ultimatum. Forget about the words “should” and “can't”, “Have you considered...” sounds much better.
Don't drop by unannounced. You have no right to visit them whenever you feel like it without calling first. It's something all daughters-in-law hate. If you want to visit them, call ahead and schedule a visit. They have their own life, and you shouldn't expect them to always be able to accommodate all your needs.
Go with the flow. You shouldn't try too hard to be nice. There is a high probability that you will come off as insincere, and this will put a strain on your relationship. Let your relationship with your daughter-in-law develop in a natural way. As long as you're nice and polite to each other and respect each other's boundaries, everything will be okay.
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