Honest and open communication is important in a relationship. However, this doesn't mean that there are no topic that are crucial to avoid or off-limits questions. Here are six questions you should never ask your spouse if you want to prevent conflicts.
#1. “What's wrong with you?” Everyone has their ups and downs. It's frustrating when your partner starts acting weird and doesn't tell you why. Of course you will want to know what happened. You have every right to ask, but you shouldn't make your question sound like an accusation. “How can I help, honey?” or “I am always here if you want to talk” are much better wordings.
#2. “Why do you always/never…?” If you want to prevent conflicts, you need to avoid generalizations when you talk to your partner. When you use generalizations in an accusatory context, you sound judgmental. Accusatory questions will make your spouse respond in a defensive fashion, and the conflict will escalate quickly.
#3. “Why are you so...?” You married them for who they are, so don't try to change them into someone else. When you're upset with your partner, don't personally attack them. You can criticize their actions in any given situation, but you have no right to criticize their character traits. Take your spouse for what they are.
#4. “What was your ex like?” (or “Am I better than your ex?” / “Am I the best you've ever had?”) Surely, you are curious about your partner's exes. But are you sure that you want to know the answer? Comparing yourself to other people is unproductive, even if you win the comparison. Let the past stay in the past. Your spouse chose to be with you, after all, and it's the only thing that matters.
#5. “Do you love me?” Sometimes spouses don't say these important three words often enough. However, if you don't hear these words as often as you would like to, that doesn't mean you need to ask your partner if he or she loves you. Remember that actions speak louder than words. And if you really want to hear these words, just be the first to say “I love you.”
#6. “Are you breaking up with me?” So, you screwed up really bad and you had a huge fight. Now you're afraid that your spouse can't take it anymore and might want a divorce. Remember that you should never ever ask them if they want to break up with you. This question never helps clarify the situation, it just makes things worse. Your partner probably never thought seriously about breaking up, so don't give them this idea.
The bottom line is, you should never ask a question if you are not ready to hear the answer. Besides, you shouldn't disguise accusations as questions. If something bothers you, have a calm and mature conversation about it instead of accusing your spouse.
- 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Partner, 10 Things You Should Tell Your Spouse Every Day, 8 Habits That Kill Your Marriage, 6 Ways to Make Your Spouse Happy