What to Do If You Don't Like Your Mother's New Boyfriend?

Sort out your feelings. Is this really about him? You may find out that your feelings toward your mother's new BF have nothing to do with the kind of person he is, it's all about you. Do you think that your mother is trying to replace your father? Do you feel jealous and/or neglected? Are you afraid that she is going to make a new family where there will be no place for you? If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, the problem is not the guy himself but what he represents.

Focus on his positive traits. Instead of pointing out his flaws, focus on his positive traits. We sure he has some otherwise why would your mother date him? You also need to accept that you and your mother have different tastes in men. We are sure she disliked at least some of your boyfriends but was able to act mature and be supportive no matter what. Now it's your turn.

Don't compare him to your father. During our lifetime, we date different kinds of people. Sometimes we have a certain “type”, but each of our partners still is a unique person. Your mother's new BF and your dad are two different people, because your dad is one of a kind. This doesn't mean that your mom's new partner cannot treat her well. He can be good for her, just in a different way than your father was.

Get to know him. Do you actually know anything about the guy or are you just hung up on the first impression? Spend some time with him and your mom to learn more about him. You can have a family dinner or go to the movies together. Try not to be biased, think of him as just a person, not your mother's boyfriend who is trying to take her away from you.

Don't confront him. Family disputes are not pretty, especially when someone has to take a side (and that's exactly what you force your mother to do when you confront her boyfriend). If you don't like him, try to spend as little time around him as possible. Be polite but detached, don't let him provoke you.

Have a heart-to-heart with your mother. Explain her that while you are really happy for her, you fill a little left out. Ask her to spend some time with you, too. Just the two of you, no boyfriends around. If you have concerns about her new partner, you can tell her about them, but you need to be very tactful. Remember that she is a grown woman who can make her own decisions. You can offer advice, but you cannot make her do anything.

Be mature about this. It's perfectly normal to dislike your mother's boyfriend, but it's not OK to jump to conclusions, make your mother choose one of you, pretend he doesn't exist, etc. Seeing your mother date can make you fell confused, angry, and hurt, but you mustn't let these feelings overcome you. If she is really happy, it is all that matters.