How to Diffuse an Argument with Your Spouse

Next time whenever you two start fighting, suggest moving to a sofa or chairs with padded seats. It's interesting how soft cushions influence on people. The softer the surface people set on, the more flexible they become. However, even the softest arm-chair in the world won't make anything good, if you're angry. This is not the best time to talk to each other, that's why calm down and relax, only then start solving the problems, that led to the fight.

All problems with understanding each other can be solved, if you learn the right way to express your feelings. The next time when you two are arguing, use sentences beginning with word “I” instead of “You”. Using “I” directly shows your partner, that it's your will and your perspective. And if you start the sentence with “You”, it may sound like you're blaming the spouse for the problem you both face.

You can't read the mind of your spouse, that's why you have no idea, what has upset him or her. Don't try to guess, and instead of this ask your partner a simple question: “What did upset you?” or “How are you seeing this situation?”. When you get the answer, paraphrase it back to you partner, thus showing him or her that you're listening.

Touching of a loving person boosts the producing of oxitocin, that increases the feelings of trust. Touching also lowers the level of cortisol, the hormone of stress. A gentle touch, like putting your hand on your spouses knee or hand, will strengthen your connection with each other. It will also make both of you calm down.

You know that laughter releases tension, so why don't you use this trick? Tell a joke, if it's an appropriate time and situation. You even won't notice the moment, when the argument was diffused.

Remember, that any kind of relations need a hard work, and ability to diffuse the fight and solve the problems in a calm, non-aggressive way is one of those that at least one of your needs. Many problems can be solved without arguing. Everything your need is to be more flexible, and make yourself listen to your partner and his or her intentions.