Thanks to Britney Spears we know that “three is a charm, two is not the same”. Threesomes are more common than you might think, they are also often less fun than they seem in porn. A threesome can bring you and your partner closer, but it also has the potential to ruin your relationship. There are important things to consider before having a threesome.
Your motives. Experimenting in bed is totally OK when things are safe and consensual. The three main principles of BDSM relationships – safe, sane and consensual – apply to regular relationships as well. You can try a threesome if you want to experiment in bed and both of you are on board. You shouldn't try it if one of you is uncomfortable with it and feels pressured but wants to please the partner or if you have unresolved relationship issues.
Pros and cons. Before inviting a third person into the mix, you need to weigh the pros and cons of having a threesome and decide whether it is actually worth it. For example, it is fun, but it can get awkward and confusing. It allows to have sex with another person without being unfaithful, but it can cause jealousy. You also need to consider how it may affect your relationship.
Choosing the third person. Firstly, decide on the gender. It is usually easier for same-sex threesomes because everyone is (generally) attracted to each other. But when you're in an M/F/F or F/M/M threesome and are not bisexual or even a little bit bi-curious, things are more complicated. Which one of you will be more comfortable sharing a bed (and partner) with a person of the same sex?
Secondly, you need to decide who exactly should be involved in your threesome. A lot of couples want to choose a close friend because they trust them and feel comfortable around them. However, we strongly recommend against choosing a good friend if you are not ready to lose them. You can opt for a friend-of-a-friend you don't know well or use special websites and apps to find a suitable person online.
Your expectations and boundaries. Once you've found the third party, all three of you should discuss your expectations and boundaries. Threesomes require communication because everyone involved must be one hundred percent comfortable with everything that is going to happen.
Tell the third partner what the two of you are comfortable with as a couple and listen to what they have to say in return. No one should be pressured into doing things they don't want to do. Don't have the discussion right before having sex; you should meet beforehand. It's OK to have several meetings and slowly progress from makeout sessions to full-fledged threeway sex.
Balance. A successful threesome is when nobody feels left out that is why it is important to make sure everyone is included. Sometimes two people get all hot and heavy, and the third person is feeling like the proverbial third wheel. If you as a couple are not ready to do some things with the third participant such as penetrative sex, you still need to make sure that they are enjoying themselves while the two of you are having your fun.
Safe word. If you are not enjoying yourself, you have the right to back out. Discuss a safe word or a signal that will allow you to stop at any moment. You can use the conventional traffic light system: say “yellow” if you want to slow down, discuss something that is bothering you and then go on and “red” if you want to stop completely.
Protection. Even if you don't use condoms with your partner, you absolutely need to buy them before having a threesome because they are the best way to prevent both unwanted pregnancy and STIs. You will need a lot of condoms because they must be switched between partners and sex acts. Buying some dental dams (for cunnilingus and rimming) and making sure that all three of you have clean bills of health won't hurt either. Oh, and you will also need lube, just in case.
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